you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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