I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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