I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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