Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
