Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
