Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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