I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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