We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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