So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
