Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
