Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
