and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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