this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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