I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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