Kiss
Puke
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
