I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
