me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize