My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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