everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
