My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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