Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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