Buhtt sex?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize