Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
