So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
