I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
