Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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