I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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