There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
