you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This is classic penis vs brain.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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