if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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