my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We need to get me chipped asap
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
