I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
