I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
