so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
