just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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