I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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