why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
