And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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