we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
