PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can you bring me the toilet please
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize