I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
