Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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