Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
