Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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