Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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