he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
