i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
