I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
