one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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