He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
