I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
