You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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