i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
