u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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