Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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