I'm jealous of your bromance
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
