I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
