My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
