So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
