Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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