i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
