well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Farmville is her only friend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
