it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
