He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize