hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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