The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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