I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
