My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
