you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
