i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
