No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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