you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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