Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
