I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
